Cheater, Cheater……..

My boyfriend.....Nathan
My boyfriend…..Nathan

I am a faithful woman….I am understanding of the ways of the male persuasion…..Yet today, on my trail run with my boyfriend Nathan (the Nathan Intensity Vest, 2-Liter, Tango Red/Tangerine) I finally went trailizza…..  Let me first caveat with, he has been wonderful.  I use him relentlessly for the off-label use as a second sports boobie binder.  I store disgustingly sticky tinfoil lined pouches inside his pockets.  I fill him full of ICE COLD water…..when I am feeling quite snazzy and flush I use Tailwind.  I bite him on a regular basis, this I woefully admit.  Yet his issue with other runners is becoming ridiculous!  HE is flashy…. attracting attention, causing WALKERS to stop me mid-stride to ask me where he came from.  Please hear me say, I love walkers, bikers, people crawling forward…I myself have been there at one time or another.  But Nathan has a job to do…..he is supposed to be TRANSFORMING me into the running goddess of which I am destine to become.  Or at least carrying my stuff while I trudge along my journey.  Today, in a ten mile span he ogled and stopped three separate sets of walkers! I, myself, DID NOT stop the scantily clad boy soldiers that ran past in just the ranger panties to ask where they got their shoes….  Why?? Because I am respecting the run and our relationship.  Nathan sadly must be taught some type of a painful lesson or he will need to be replaced.   An Orange Mud HydraQuiver may behave like a proper ultra support boyfriend should. Therefore….. I am dropping him off at the next running version of a Bottoms Up strip club.  Yes, a 5K.  There he will be covered in sticky recovery drinks and sweaty hand prints, his zippers pried open, and many questions asked of him…potentially embarrassing questions such as to his bladder size.  It is my hope that this type of intervention will have my dear lover back in my arms again….and behaving on the trail with nary a glace at another woman….if not my fingers are poised above the keyboard to head to my Amazon forest to order Mud in the color of Orange……

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