The Good, the Ugly, the L*Itis……

Long Run Find

I don’t know what normal people do on a long run….I would imagine they do something as unimaginative as just running the distance in the shortest time possible with proper form.  To me that sounds like poppycock…runner blaspheme…and actually a recipe for the worst condition of all.  This condition can strike a runner at the most unexpected or inopportune time.  This potentially fatal plight must be avoided at all costs…yet I see NARY , not one iota (an example…in common word-o-las) of the condition discussed.  Runners lament, complain, post numerous pictures of stress injuries (really…how well can one tell from your carefully instagramed shots…exactly WHERE the pain is????????  If my patients had been this specific in their signs and symptoms we would have spent every afternoon by the pool…with a tanned and fit young thing named Max bringing us frothy sports drinks if we ever so much as lifted a tiny pinky finger….sigh….uhhh are you still here???!!!!   AWKWARD )  The posters on message boards and in meetup locations endlessly discuss prevention techniques for every possible ailment……  Yet I hear not one word  uttered about the massive elephant in the closet.  Well today, I am here to proudly bring everything into the

Come out of the closet!
Come out of the closet!

light…without a wear chartreuse, or save indigo, or any type of fundraising campaign for this big hairy disease.

The bottom line is you, my dear, are in DANGER.  

Longrunitis: a condition in which any run of a distance greater than 8 miles becomes characterized only by garmen statistics, GU flavors, Tailwind ratios, pack dimensions, trail conditions, shoe brands, pre-run prep, post-run preparation, foot preparation, research preparation, and complete rearrangement of scheduling to accommodate said activity.  Signs and symptoms may  include: arriving to a group dinner Friday night and stating you can only stay for an hour because you have to be up in 20 minutes to start your 30 mile run….ordering flavored snot in bulk from the forest, and bragging about it…..rambling on and on about gear such as foam rollers, beet juice, chia seeds……planning your vacation time around races…..owning more than 6 pairs of HOKA one ones (and knowing the correct way to pronounce the name is an EXTREME SIGN OF ADVANCED DISEASE PROCESS!!!!)

The only way to prevent this condition from becoming debilitating…and saving the runner from sure social pariah (a terrifying condition in which even the grocery store bagger will suddenly flip off the light when you approach and flee screaming in terror…..this can cause severe psychological distress after repeated occurrences….once again I suggested the bathroom as a safe place to cry) is to ensure that FUN is a part of each and every long run!

Heads Up

 

This is NOT optional.  You have an obligation to the society of runners as a whole to continue the sport by adding FUN to your weekly long runs.  This is the same obligation that extends to common runner courtesies such as refraining from removing your shoes AND socks during dinner to show your table mates the number of toenails you have remaining…….It is however perfectly acceptable to show them your instagram pictures of these toenails after the appetizers but BEFORE the main course.   If you hesitate and wait until the desert then I am afraid your window of opportunity has passed…sadly…now put your socks back on.  I recommend starting very small if your Longrunitis is severe.  Mismatch your socks…. GASP!! it can BE DONE!!!  Every week add another Funism to your run!  It is totes a word…look it up….Feel free to tweet it to my twitter.  #grittyglittergirl or @grittyglittergirl   …we all want to see you loosen up a bit!!  Because frankly, we are worried about you.  If you practice, soon you too will be climbing trees, doing handstands, twerking as you run……  Life is entirely to short to live by garmin time alone people!!!!!

Climb Quickly.....Gotta keep it at a 15 minute mile!
Climb Quickly…..Gotta keep it at a 15 minute mile!

 

<p>Original article: <a href=”{http://www.grittyglittergirl.com/69/running/ultra/marathon/mom}”>{The Good, the Ugly, the L*Itis……}</a>.</p>

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