With my old lover, I couldn’t run further than 3 miles after my stress fracture/break….I cannot disparage or say a bad word about him however because it was me that insisted he become a skinnier, minimalist form of his previous self…. and then I railed when he did not support my willowy frame (aka 6 foot tall amazon like Midwestern Lithuanian runner body) Why I thought this reborn lover….with his lean, sleek body reminiscent of a young tanned pool boy in a banana hammock and a IQ of 4, would support me in the fashion in which I am accustom to was insane….not just somewhat crazy………..but full on, slap your momma and take your last pack of honey lemonade stingers CRAZY!!!
This break up….led to my new obsession…my match.com endless nights perusal of both roadrunner sports or running warehouse with the dedication that only a 38 year old unmarried female, complete with unfertilized eggs, a dead-end job, no boyfriend, 27 ugly, ruffled, bridesmaid dresses and a brand new wax can only have! (this is an analogy…remember I am 42…married…no one wants my eggs, waxing hurts, and I highly believe my husband would be totes pissed if I, all the sudden started trolling for a boyfriend on match.com)
In the span of two weeks, I ordered over 7 pairs of Altras and various HOKAs……..I have never been more desperate or miserable…OK to be totally honest, my best friend from high school Kirsten absolutely knows of a time….involving a certain senior, blue NOVA, and the deepest blue eyes I have to this day, never seen replicated on this God given earth….Come to think of it…..he may have been not of this earth AKA the devil LOL.
I now have narrowed my selection down to one shoe….the perfect shoe. The HOKA ONE ONE Clifton! It is a dream shoe….even with my bruises and scrapes from the other wicked lovers….I can run 14 miles floating on these babies….Two more Cliftons are currently winging there way to me now.
Why two more pairs?? Why be like a greedy toddler in a Walmart check out line at 5pm after a hard day at the local Sunshine house daycare? Because I can! It is LEGAL! Thankfully running shoes are not like husbands…..I am legally allowed to collect as many as I like…of the same style in different colors! I dare say if I tried to add to my collection of current my singular spouse by introducing into this at the dinner conversation in the form of………”Say…..super husband….you have been a great fit for me. You tend to wear well and don’t cause me chafing, or black toe nails………Soooooooo, I have decided to get some more of you, like perhaps six or seven, keep you tucked in a closet…..you understand of course…just in case you get broken down…or tired, God forbid…you CRACK….although you can be a bit pricey…. I am going to pick you up in several colors…you do not mind do you?????” *note expect conversation would NOT GO WELL….Just SAYING
My goal is to stock pile at least six of these shoes….I live daily in terror that HOKA will change the style…..This is not a pair of jeggings from American Eagle people….I am dedicated to these shoes! I am obsessed…..reality TV show obsessed…..