Amazon Prime Palinola

The Fed-Ex man is my Santa…. He arrives in his glistening white truck with gifts on a regular basis DESTINED to turn me into the next Cheryl Zwarkowski (not that anyone can ever BE her, I mean COME ON…she is AMAZING, but it is MY blog.. and even little….well, even six foot tall amazon runners have dreams too)  I leave my slightly sweaty, short-wearing Santa,  secret love notes on my front door saying “Please leave ANY and ALL packages on front PORCH.  Thank you! Love~ me”  Where do such goodies and gifts come from you might wonder???? The deep jungle forest of the Amazon...yeppers, I am a Amazon Prime Palinola and I am relentless in the compulsive repetition of purchase of running gear until I am a svelte gazelle gliding through the forest.  The variety of ultra running goods in the forest is dazzling! The prices for these magical powered wings of speed can cause one grittyglittergirl to get in quite the pile of confetti with the golden purse however.  Never fear!  The power of nursing logic always rules and like an excellently trained Intensive Care Nurse always does I am willing to look at alternative treatments.

I purchased a pair of quite spiffy…$9 compression sleeves labeled for maternity use.  Props to whoever these teen moms are wearing these because my “maternity legs” would NEVER have fit into these tiny little argyle numbers.  I even ordered the M/L.    Perhaps they meant maternity because they are for the babies after they are born…to keep them warm in the nursery..like adorable little tights…awwwww

Also a pack of bad ass black nursing compression socks, three pairs for less than $20!!! I was super stoked and rolling.  As you can see even after over 10 miles of gliding (fine, stomping like a mad water buffalo through 97 degree NC heat) the socks are AWESOME!!!!

"Did she say stand like this?"
“Did she say stand like this?”

IMG_20140830_175608[1] IMG_20140830_175408[1]

 

PollyAnna eat my dust….ummm can you wait for me though I’m running a 14 minute mile back here!!!

 

Today was the worst run ever or to put a Polly-fricken-Anna smile on it
MY BEST TRAINING RUN OF MY LIFE…..
I broke my personal rule of running, which is to only make one change, and I learned the following valuable run lessons:
1. Fig newtons hate me….they are NOT “fruit and cake” they are PUKE and cake….
2. My old ICU co-workers should feel free to reserve a 18G nasal gastric tube for me bcz it will fit in with no issues, the left nare is totally patent (I literally spewed an entire pomegranate bean through it on mile six)
3.  Energy beans do not absorb via the nasal cavity, therefore they do not provide fuel
4. I am intimately aware that should I ever oddly desire 2 re -lactate, and become a militant earth mother, I will know exactly what it feels like to breast feed a rambunctious 5 year old since my beloved Nathan’s vest attacked me for the first 4 miles…..
5. In desperation to fix the chaffing from my beloved boyfriend Nathan (jerk)  I stripped out of my tank on trail , with no regard to any random passerby….I did not even hold in my stomach……
6. The running Gods gave ME, a chunky, sweaty, chaffed and beaten white girl a random homeless person’s t shirtpollyanna that smelled distinctly of deer urine and old sweat which I WORE and put back on my Nathan…
Lastly,
7.  I ran through nine miles of torn up sand from healthy 20 year old GIs, that just yesterday I had merrily smiled and waved at.  Today I made plans to find their barracks and key their car…..
8.  It was a balmy 92 degrees with a heat index of Christ in a red dress drinking margaritas HOT!

 

 

No Sad Guy and Arrid XX-Dry

I am addicted to Arrid XX-dry….. I slink down the Walmart isle to purchase the aerosol spray cans, two to a shrink wrapped bundle.  I will never commit such an act at Target.  Only at Walmart where safety is ensured among other ozone killing consumers, cigarette smokers,  Budweiser swillers,  and slipper wearing Twinkie matrons do I shop.  Ugly runners feet freak me out….. now I am not a pedicure person, I rarely have polish on my toes for example.  However, I have never lost a toenail either…… I scoff at the idea of wearing over-sized shoes in the idea of allowing room for swelling….more like room for pummeling I believe.  Why do we as runners sing the praises of tight compression gear, then give ourselves an inch to swell?  I allow barely an half an inch in my shoes.  I know I am in the minority.  I already know I am crazy (remember I am in Walmart purchasing cans of Arrid!)  I spray my feet before every run…short or long, crooked or straight, trail or road with Arrid XX-dry 24.6% Aluminum Chlorohydrate…..  so when you see a muddy girl..sparkling a bit from random glitter from her last project and feet that smell like a fresh spring breeze….. you will know you’ve just been passed by grittyglittergirl and I will gladly share my canNo Sad Feet with you.